Levels of unworthiness transformed.
In my previous blog post, I had mentioned how we pick up fears from our early childhood that need to be processed later on in life. I also mentioned that we have so much help always available to us.
From an early age, I picked up plenty of feelings of unworthiness. Being of Irish descent, in school, I would hear remarks about how the Irish were all a bunch of drunks. When St. Patty's Day came around, instead of celebrating the holiday, I would cringe when I heard some people make comments about the drunken Irish. I started being ashamed that I was Irish. I was also ashamed of the alcoholism that I saw that ran in my family.
Another thing that also runs in my family is night blindness. It is when you can't see in low lighting. I hadn't really noticed that I had this when I was living in Queens, NY. There are street lights everywhere. The first time I had noticed that I had this condition was when I was a teenager on vacation in Puerto Rico. I was out in the evening where there weren't a lot of street lights and I noticed that I couldn't see.
I do have trouble seeing in the dark and I can easily trip over something and fall. One day I happened to come across a small article about night blindness. It is the condition called nyctalopia. The article mentioned about the cones and the rods that we have in our eyes and how if the rods in our eyes aren't functioning properly, we will experience night blindness. It can be hereditary, carried in a gene. There are other reasons for night blindness but in my case, it is hereditary.
The article also mentioned how it could be from a vitamin A deficiency and it even mentioned how during the potato famine the Irish had this deficiency. It said in this article about how when the Irish people were falling down outside in the dark, it wasn't because they were drunk, it was because they couldn't see. When I saw this article, it changed me. Some of the unworthiness lifted up out of me.
There are all different ways we are given opportunities to heal. Our Angels are always looking for ways to find this help and let us notice it. I do know that I was meant to see this article to help me process some of the unworthiness I felt.
Later as I pursued self-healing actively, I learned about how alcoholism is caused as a way to numb pain. It is a way that we medicate ourselves so we don't feel the pain. When we have something that has been taken away from us, we do feel pain. The Irish were very oppressed at a certain time.
When we don't know how to process the pain, or we are unable to because of the circumstances, we turn to numbing ourselves with medication, whether alcohol, drugs or other pharmaceuticals. For me, when I accepted the pain that my family had experienced from the sacrifices they experienced, I was able to forgive the alcoholism that runs in my family. I understood it and I was no longer ashamed.
When we acknowledge our feelings and work on filling ourselves up with self love, we can find comfort without alcohol or other drugs. Sometimes it's not easy. If we are taking care of others, whether our family or if we put our job before our family, it can be hard for us to take care of ourselves. This is where we call in for the help of our Angels and also the Nature Angels. They will help fill us with the love and the appreciation that we need. Ask for it and be open to receive it. Give yourself the acknowledgment that you may not get from others. Praise yourself for all that you do. Fill yourself up with worthiness and love.
We are all here to evolve and grow. It may take a little time but that is all part of the journey of life. Right now as I write this blog, we are in the season of autumn. I received the message and the image of being like a tree, let your leaves drop off, let go of all the unworthiness, and any unhappiness or unfulfillment that you may feel. The winter time is the time to rest and meditate. The spring is when we let ourselves receive and grow until it is summertime, when when things come into full bloom. It is a process but it is worth the time and the effort and it will be quite beautiful when we get there.